020710 at last

I never used to be able to stand the ticking of a battery-operated wall clock. We’re talking crazy-annoyed. My hearing is nearly as hyper-sensitive as my sense of smell. Neither super power has proven to be very desirable. Tonight, I’m sitting at the kitchen table and reveling in the quiet of the house. The ticking clock over my shoulder brings an odd comfort in this only time of the day that I’m able to hear it.

Change is good. Tomorrow, I’m starting my second full week in blissful full-time employment. The environment is clean (for those of you who know my work history, this isn’t such a funny comment), my co-workers are content and kind, I was asked to help configure the computer for my workstation, my monitor s 24 inches wide, and some of the early work is dreamy — as in, “Could you help us with our corporate branding, national ads, lead-nurturing sales kits and Website?”. YES — and can I hug you?

My core has known that this time would come. That didn’t make the wait — the sleepless nights, the research, the laborious letters, the budgeting — any easier. But the sun is a little brighter these days. The trial has changed me as all difficult things do. Thank you to all who steadied and guided me (and gifted me hard cider) through this quest.

Here’s what I’ve been singing in the car:

The Water is Wide – Dylan & Baez 1975

The water is wide and I can’t cross over
And neither have I wings to fly
Build me a boat That can carry two
And both shall row My love and I

There is a ship And it sails on the sea
loaded deep As deep can be
But not as deep As the love I’m in
I know not if I sink or swim

I leaned my back up against an oak
Thinkin’ it was a trusty tree
But first it bent and then it broke
just like my own false love to me

Oh love is gentle and love is kind
Gay as a jewel When first it’s new
But love grows old And waxes cold
And fades away Like the morning dew

The water is wide and I can’t cross over
And neither have I wings to fly
Build me a boat That can carry two
And both shall row My love and I

Hey, if there’s a next time around, maybe I’ll pursue a night job. Until then, my voice is available for weddings and funerals.

fear not

Something good. Something important will come of this time.
Some good things have already come. Stress can either drive a family apart make it huddle together.
1) I’m learning to speak up when I need time to get something done.
2) #1’s vocabulary and compassion are staggering. Weekly library trips and helping with projects seem to offer enough adventure for him.
3) #2 sings joyfully from the time she wakes until bed time and has developed a fondness for books.
4) The love of my life is making progress towards his goal of earning a degree.
5) The house is coming along.
6) I’ve seen the kids something like 900 hours more than I would have if I’d been working full time.
7) We’re learning to allow the kids some independence (which also helps with 1–6).

In an ordinary market, I’m highly-employable. This all has to take a turn and when it does I’m miles ahead of most of my competition. There will be a hiring surge as business picks up. It’s taken time — but I’ve become willing to try temporary-to-permanent options in order to prove my value to people who don’t already know my character, dedication and talent.

Yes, this is a rather large and concerning bump in the road. It will need to be mended — and soon. But we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got. We’re warm. We’re nourished. We’re skilled workers. The kids are usually happy.

I recently helped with an event for families in need. In thanks, the coordinator handed me a $100 grocery gift card. Things like this keep happening. Support trickles in from the universe in the form of advise, reminders of what’s truly important, funding and loving concern.

It’s not our turn for another kick. We’ll find our way.

121409 trapping

I’d been mingling with other job seekers today when it the scritching and scratching began. I guess a squirrel had noticed the warm breeze escaping from between our new, poorly-installed (thank you sucky construction company) front door and the frame. So excited was this squirrel, that it aggressively tried to squeeze it’s bulked-up self through the crack.

I was painting when #1 explained to me the device he’d invented. An extra-large rubberband triangulates between the lever handle and lock. A miniature Clifford dog and a cow-jumping-over-the-moon mirror are woven into this. #1 say’s it’s to keep the squirrels out. The whole story came to life when the love of my life returned home to tell the tale. He laughed when I explained the squirrel trap.

121209 sweet dreams

Three nights this past week brought me five continuous hours of sleep. My body’s so confused. I might actually catch up on the sleep lost since 2001.

Following kids with colds and the love of my life having the flu, I found myself completely spent. #2 was waking every 1.5 to 2 hours thanks to some airflow problems in her nose. One morning, I finally broke. I knew that I couldn’t go to her with any reasonable level of compassion so I asked her daddy to rescue her. She SCREAMED. This was not what she expected. They coped. I listened, relaxed and realized I’d need to locate ear plugs in order to maximize the experience.

So, now she gets me once. The love of my life helps her beyond this. What’s even cooler? For the most part, she’s decided that she only wants to get up once. But wait, there’s more. Last night, she went to bed at 9:30 p.m., woke at 6:00 a.m., passed out at 7:45 a.m. after watching me page through National Geographic magazines and then woke at 10:04 a.m. This afternoon, she slept in the car for more than a half hour.

I know, I know. Anyone experienced in parenting knows that these days of freakish sleep are infrequent and sporadic. She’ll sprout another two inches and then reduce rest hours. But I’ll take it.

Seriously, going from full-time work plus school to miscarriages to full-on motherhood to food allergies to near miscarriage to sucky contractors and job loss. I’m not the whiny type, but I was getting close. Sleep is welcome. Sleep is healing. More, please.

Sweet dreams, I’ve missed you so.

112509 it’snot

The kids have been sick since a couple days following their H1N1 shots. I expect they picked up something in the lobby. That just isn’t fair. Looks like we might miss the festivities in the interest of keeping extended family well.

Bummer. Alas, we have veggie burgers here too.

111609 interviews

I had a very good set of interviews this past Tuesday. Quiet space, pull-your-own-weight culture, award-winning campaigns. Love.

Good to have the complication of an upcoming Wednesday interview with different focus, different atmosphere, and many, many friends.

Change is good. Hoping to have something special to be thankful for next week.

111609 no show

No painter Friday or today. Well, at least we’ve gained the paint for a do-it-ourselves spring.

111309 hugs

Deep in thought while eating a chicken strip, #1 said, “When I was a baby, I was inside your tummy.”

I confirmed this and told him that I’d loved that time.

He added, “Yeah, and I gave you hugs from the inside.”

With a big smile, I said, “Yes, yes you did.”

111309 feng shui

A recent jail release made one of the subcontracted painters available to return to our project. There may be something to the feng shui belief that improvements to your front entrance can lead to career improvements. The barrel arch and railings were in progress when I was called for a same-day interview. Later, in the same week, I received another interview request. Certainly, I take some responsibility as well. Hard work, appropriate targeting, and networking also played into this, of course. Still, It might be a good idea for us to improve our home office (wealth).

110609 change of seasons

I’m getting out more. Our family cleared most of the leaves from our yard today. The love of my life did ALL of the raking. The rest of us helped to load and stomp tarps full of leaves into the trailer.

Last night, I took the stage for an improvisational slide presentation in front of a bar full of potential employers. During a food slide, I got stuck in the realization that I hadn’t eaten dinner. Other than that, it was good fun. I made a few contacts and learned of a weekly creative workspace that I’m very excited about.